Excerpt from Chapter 6 – “What You Can Do”

Published January 28, 2018

You may find yourself isolated from your support network of friends, family, church, and coworkers. Even if it has been a while since you have been in contact with people from your former support system, try reaching out to them. You need to tell them about your abuse and what you are and have been enduring. They may be more understanding and supportive than you might imagine. Tell them what you need. Do you need a place to stay, help moving, help with the children, money, or legal advice? Many people don’t know what to do or how to help. They may welcome the opportunity. If you meet resistance, there are still places to go for help and people who want to help you. There are abuse hotlines, support groups to join, shelters, and therapists who specialize in domestic abuse.

You always have the option to leave the relationship. People tend to be stubborn, fear change, and do not want to change. You cannot change your abuser. You are not the cause of his abuse and cannot be the one to make him change. The real possibility exists that he does not want to change, is not aware his behavior is bad and does not care, or he does not see anything wrong with his behavior. Many abusers never change. If you think he is willing to accept responsibility for his behavior, you feel safe being truthful with him, and he wants to work on the relationship, there are some things you need to do.